is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
