i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
