We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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