Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
