i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
