Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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