I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
