i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
