In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
