Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
