What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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