I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
