Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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