i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
