dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
