How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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