I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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