I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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