I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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