k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
