also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's always time for handjobs
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
