it was like his penis was on wheels.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
