Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
