Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
