I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
