I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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