The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
