How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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