thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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