Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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