they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My penis needs a shock collar
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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