So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
