I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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