You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
