the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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