I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
