textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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