I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
