this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
