The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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