Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize