we have officially lost it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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