ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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