I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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