there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize