Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
