Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
