Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
