Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
