meet me or not, i'm out of control
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
