im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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