I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize