yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
