im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
