dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
