I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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