Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
