Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
