come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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