They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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