I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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