All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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