Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
