How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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