i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
