Where are you?
In a non slutty way
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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