I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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