Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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