come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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