I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
