i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
