Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
