I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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