i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
