so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
