I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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