My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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