Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
