I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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