Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
