we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
