Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
