once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
