Moan for me like Helen Keller
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize