dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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