Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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