so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
