I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize